Everyone knows that marriage isn’t all roses. Yes, there are still Prince Charming fallacies out there where people think that marriage will be mostly like a fairy tale, but for the most part people seem to understand that marriage is also a lot of work. Unfortunately, people still don’t understand just how much work it is. Don’t get me wrong, marriage is one of the greatest things in the world, but it’s also one of the most trying things. And nowhere is this more evident than in the bedroom.

If you’re like most couples your fights in the bedroom are usually about one 1 of 2 things: 1) your partner wants sex all the time. And because they want sex so much you feel pressured, used, and feel like your spouse only wants you for sex. Or 2) Your partner never wants sex. Because of this you feel rejected, shut down, and unloved. You think your partner doesn’t want you for anything more than just a roommate.

Because you and your partner can’t make any resolutions about sex, you fight back and forth trying to tell each other how you feel but it doesn’t seem to get you anywhere. And this wouldn’t be so bad if your fights stayed inside the bedroom. But whenever you fight about sex there’s distance and tension for a couple days afterwards. If only you could find out why you fight so much. If only you could understand why you and your partner can’t come up with a resolution to your sexual problems. Well, look no further. I have three right reasons for you right here:

3 Reasons Your Sex Life Sucks

1) You’re not putting in enough effort outside the bedroom.

You’ve heard this before, but no matter how cliche’ it is, it’s true. You really do have to put in effort outside the bedroom in order for it to be great inside the bedroom. The truth is, the bedroom is a metaphor for the rest of the relationship. If you have a bad relationship outside the bedroom, you can’t have a great relationship inside the bedroom. You just can’t let yourself go sexually with someone you don’t like. So delve deep and try to find out what’s going on that’s keeping you two from connecting. This applies to the low libido spouse, too. It’s not your spouse’s job to woo you and make you feel like having sex. You have work to do outside the bedroom, too, in order to find out why you’re resenting sex so much.

2) Your expectations are too high.

Everyone has seen movies with gratuitous sex scenes in them. In the scene(s) it probably showed a couple who were mutually into whatever the other person was doing. For example, he would pin her against the wall and start kissing her while she’d wrap her legs around him and kiss him back as though she couldn’t get enough of him. Or they would go out on a romantic date in the picturesque part of town to the new, trendy restaurant and walk home together while they both talked about their deepest secrets. The truth is, your partner might not be in to being pinned against the wall. And they might not be in to long walks and fancy restaurants, either. If you think this is what marriage is supposed to be like, you need to stop watching so many movies.

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The truth is, your partner usually doesn’t magically know everything that they like. Sure, things look good in the movies but the actors are paid to make it look that way. Trying those things in real life feels a lot different. Plus, your partner changes with time. They might not like the same things they used to like. Instead of assuming your marriage is supposed to be like you see in the movies, talk openly with your partner about what they like and what they don’t. Experiment openly with them.

3) You’re selfish.

This is the hard news that nobody wants to hear. You’d rather believe that it’s your spouse’s fault your sex life sucks. After all, if they’d just stop wanting sex so much, or if they’d just start wanting sex more, then your sex life would dramatically improve. But you’re contributing to your sexual problems, too. And the most common way you’re contributing to the problems is that you’re being selfish.

It’s a selfish position to believe your spouse should satisfy all your sexual needs. It’s also a selfish position to deny your partner’s sexual needs Either way, if you weren’t being so selfish, your partner would feel more loved, more sexual, and your problems would decrease – a lot. So, get over yourself and focus on your spouse more – whatever their needs/desires are.

Stop The Stalemate

Yes, it would be nice if your spouse would stop being so selfish and think about you more. But you don’t have to wait for them in order to begin making your relationship better. You can start taking unilateral actions to make your relationship better. Working on any of the three things above are a great start to getting your sex life back on track. Instead of waiting for them, go ahead and make the first move. You might just get lucky!

By Aaron Anderson
Source – themarriageandfamilyclinic.com