Every couple that have hard times in relationship have to get professional help. Every case is different. But there are some things that are the same for most of couples. Here is a piece of advise from a marriage consultant Aaron Anderson that he wrote in a response to a letter from woman in need.

Aaron,

My husband and I have been married for 18 years this November. We had a great relationship until about 12 years ago. We were always with each other and did lots of fun things together as a family. He had just landed a great job so we weren’t short on money. We were so excited for the future and its many possibilities. Sex was also great and we did it a lot (probably 4 times a week or so).

I honestly don’t know what happened. He started having to work a lot and I started going out with friends more to help my loneliness. I also joined book clubs and mommy groups, too. At the time I thought it was just a phase and that he needed to put the time into his work. But it never really stopped. Now we’re distant and only do things as a family – never alone. Sex has also fallen off a cliff. We might do it 4 times a month now is all.

How do I Get My Old Relationship Back?

 

I’ve heard of couples going on retreats or cruises to get their old relationship back. Is this possible? Should I look into one of those?

Sincerely,

Living in the Past

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Hi Mrs. Living In The Past.

What you’re talking about sounds kind of typical, actually. Couples will start relationships hot and heavy and they’re going great until something happens that tests the marriage (such as one of the spouses having to work more) and then their relationship just never recovers fully.

I actually get a lot of couples who come into me and say they want to get their old relationship back. I have to tell you that in all my years as a counselor I have never seen this work. Here’s why:

Going Back to ‘How Things Were’ Never Works

1) People change over time. Couples who want to go backwards to how they used to be are never satisfied when they actually get there. Because they’ve changed, their interests have changed. They get excitement out of different things in life. They find that going backwards in a relationship isn’t as exciting as they thought it would be

2) People have problems in relationships because of vulnerabilities (weak spots) in the relationship. Over time they come across these vulnerabilities. Going back to their old relationship means going back to a time where these vulnerabilities still exist. That’s not a good place for your relationship.

Don’t Look Back. Look Forward

Instead of trying to go backwards in your relationship think about moving forward. Identify what caused the
problems in your relationship and work to fix it. This will create a stronger relationship that’s focused on the present. It will also help you guys create a stronger, vibrant relationship that fits with your current stage of life. Lastly, it will make sure that your.

Try doing new things in your relationship that you’d like to try. Go to new places to eat, try new hobbies together, etc. This creates a newness in your relationship and helps you get to know each other in new ways. Also, dedicate time to just the two of you. It will be kind of awkward at first since you haven’t for a while but after doing it for a short while you’ll start feeling comfortable and connected again.

Thanks for being a reader,

Aaron

By Aaron Anderson
Source – blog.themarriageandfamilyclinic.com