Kissing it Out of Them
Sometimes we’re prideful. Sometimes we let little things bug us or get in the way of what we really want – a conflict-free and special closeness with our spouse. Here’s a little technique we like that can turn almost any frustration into a unifying experience.
Kissing has an impact on people…obviously. It stirs feelings inside of each of us when we kiss that special someone. It’s been called the gateway drug for a good reason. And it’s a great way to get rid of the “marital blues.”
When differences arise with your spouse, sometimes each of us elect to dig in our heels and figuratively fight, rather than raise the white flag and give in. No one wants to admit they were wrong or be the first to say “I’m sorry.” Perhaps we hope to prove a point. Perhaps we’re competitive and want to “win.” But deep inside we all know that life is way better when we just kiss and make up (or make out!).
There’s one technique we’ve used that has proven to be quite effective. Hopefully, it will work for you as well. We call it, “kissing it out of them.” The “it” refers to stubbornness, pride, orneriness, etc. It’s that part of us that sometimes just wants to hold a grudge, dig down, and be mad. Even though we may feel a bit frustrated or hurt in the moment, deep inside what we really want is to feel loved and cared for, and to give love and care in return.
So, a while ago we made a deal with each other. In those moments when one of us gets frustrated and ornery, the job of the other one is to “kiss it out of them.” This essentially means that the non-ornery spouse cuddles, caresses, massages, and kisses the other spouse until they are no longer ornery. Understandably, these actions are not immediately reciprocated – remember, you’re dealing with a frustrated spouse here. Sometimes it may take 5-10 minutes or more to get there, but the bad feelings tend to disappear when someone is expressing such love to you! Before you know it, apologies (if needed) follow and you find yourselves even closer together than you were before the incident began.
While this may not work for every disagreement (i.e. sometimes each spouse might just need to get out for a bit of fresh air, write things down, talk through things, or take a break, etc), this technique does have a high success rate. So, talk about it together. If you’re both on board, it rarely fails. Not only will the overflowing expressions of love from one spouse change rain to sunshine, but simply knowing that your spouse cares enough to stick with it and love a “prickly pear,” will work wonders for your marriage.
It certainly takes a measure of patience, understanding, and humility to successfully “kiss it out of them,” but it is also most certainly worth it.
Showing love and affection to your spouse is always a good idea. It can bridge gaps and settle trivial disputes. So, the next time your spouse is feeling a bit ornery, give it a try and see if you can “kiss it out of them.”
Source – nurturingmarriage.org